Floating

I've been in a weird place. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually.

I'm not sure why this semester seems so different than ones past, but it's taking all of my energy to just survive it. My grades are not what I want them to be. I'm not performing at my job in the ways I want to be. I'm giving the bare minimum to many organizations I run/participate in, and at the end of each week, I still feel incredibly drained and unsure of how to do it all again.

I think a part of it probably has to do with the breakup. (Gasp! This femme-inist has feelings, a lot of them, and sometimes they are a bit fragile) It left me with this feeling that I'm in this transitional space without anyone by my side to help me through it. Of course, that's not true-as I have some of the best friends a girl could hope to have, but the feeling still resonates. I also feel an incredible attachment to spaces and the current living situation I have (in which I live in the ex's old apartment...) takes its drain on me. I also thought for most of last year that I would be graduating a year early and starting my life this May, instead of 2012. That all changed, however, and now I have to figure out how make myself happy as an undergrad for another year and a half. I lived alone in England and I got used to it and learned to love it. When I lived in my parent's house, I was incredibly protective of my space. I didn't really allow anyone into my room and was very uncomfortable when someone was in my space. I was not hiding anything, but I felt like unwelcome intrusions into my room were like unwelcome intrusions into my soul. When I lived in dorms in college, I left behind a lot of those weird space issues, but they seem to be reemerging. I love my roommate dearly and she is one of my closest friends, but I'm realizing that I might be someone that needs to live alone.

If you're wondering at this point what the purpose of this post is, join the club. I think I am just trying to understand the feelings I am having and how they relate to my past and how I can incorporate them into positive moves in the future. Next week is Thanksgiving Break and I've never so looked forward to it before. We all (need a) break sometimes.