We all have them. We all choose these words that would otherwise be arbitrary and try to make them have enough meaning to explain our existence. I think it's one of the most core essences of our humanity, a need to explain ourselves.
I thought it might be interesting (probably more for me than for you) to explain a little bit about my identities and why this blog is named as it is. Here goes.
In a very particular order:
Woman- I identify strongly, fiercely as a woman. Now, I'll be the first to call people out at attempting to universalize a female or woman experience, but it's still an identity that rings strongly with me. It encompasses my love of things considered to be feminine (baking, knitting, talking, caring) and my place within history.
Feminist- Every day, I attempt to live my life in the most feminist way I can. I struggle with feminist as an identity, as I'm much more sympathetic to the bell hooks idea of redefining feminism through doing feminist work, rather than owning an identity, but again, it's an identity I deliberately choose. Feminism truly saved me. It opened my eyes to a world I didn't know existed. A world in which there were other people who were angry about things in the world and who helped me learn to be angry about what happened to me. Feminism helped me understand the beliefs I'd always had and never been able to defend. In case your wondering, my personal brand of feminism fluctuates between third-wave and radical lesbian separatist. Feminism gives me a goal to live by each day-living intentionally and ending oppression.
Lesbian- It's funny that it felt pertinent for me to list this before queer, the word I actually use to identify my sexuality. Lesbian, rather, for me is about a life. Though I don't exclusively date cis-women, many of the people I am closest to are lesbians. The lesbian community is the one that most closely matches my life experience.
Queer- My sexuality has never been something I've really understood. I feel attracted (most times) to combinations of masculinity and female bodies, but have experienced attraction to almost everything in between. While I tend to be most attracted to butch(y) lesbians, limiting myself to that has never felt nearly adequate.
Femme- Through beginning to own my femme identity, I've discovered a lot about myself. I've discovered that there are some femmes with which I have nothing in common and some that seem to mirror my experiences and beliefs eerily. For me, my femme identity rings true because of the people I am typically attracted to, my love of feminine fashion/makeup/shoes, and the fact that I tend to take on the more feminine gender roles in relationships. But trust, I have a feminist critique of all of those things. Identities are hard, y'all.
What's striking when reading this over is that in all honesty, this is just how I experience my identities right now. In this moment. 11:30 on Sunday night in November 2010. Things change. Me especially.
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